• Kaveman Kara

Sexy and You No It

Sexiness. Know it or No it?

I've created my own kave definition for "strength" and "beauty," in my article titled, "Men Are Beautiful." Today I'll be defining "sexy." To be sexy, is to show off a particular aspect of yourself that you love. This aspect can be a physical feature or part of your personality. If you love your smile, smile more, because that’s fucking sexy. If you love your intelligence, find a way to bring it into more conversations. If you love your arms, show them. Do what makes you feel sexy.

If being beautiful means being unapologetically yourself, then being sexy means flaunting a specific part of your unapologetic self.

I haven’t seen true sexiness in a while and there are several factors to blame. Below are the top 5 reasons we deny ourselves the right to be sexy and how to overcome them.

1. Expectations

Everyone expresses sexiness differently because everyone is different. The issue is that Hollywood’s one dimensional representation of sexiness is the one that sticks. We all feel obligated to match the standard of sexiness that is most represented. Most of us are afraid to embrace our own, unique sexiness.

Example: One night I was out with a friend during a time where I felt sexier wearing more clothes. She told me I looked like a nun. I had felt sexy before she said that, but after, I was mortified.

Remedy: Friends are supposed to encourage you to discover and flaunt your true sexiness. Spend time with those friends and not the schmucks who try and place their close minded idea of sexiness on you.

2. Assumptions

Anytime we accentuate a specific part of ourselves that we usually don’t, people make assumptions. The first assumption is that we’re trying to impress someone. The next, that we're nuts or painfully insecure.

Example: Ever been called a “try hard”? Ever been called out for wearing tighter clothes, more makeup, shaving your beard, styling your hair different?

Remedy: When people assume they make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” It’s lame to assume things about others and it's even worse to make fun of people for being sexy. Those who spend time assuming, are taking time away from discovering their own sexiness. Ditch those schmucks and don't be one of them. Try hard. You've only got one life.

3. Uncertainty

When we flaunt our sexiness, people like to imagine that we’re insecure and that’s why we do it. But I believe a lack of sexiness implies insecurity and means you're uncertain about yourself. When we truly know and love ourselves, we know exactly what makes us sexy and we know it is different than what makes someone else sexy.

Example: You're uncertain, so you act/appear sexy based on what makes others feel sexy. Maybe you notice your friend glows with confidence when he/she is more touchy feely and huggy with people. So you try it, but you’re uncomfortable because that’s not what makes you feel sexy. Then you question if sexiness is something you're cut out for.

Remedy: Loads of my girlfriends feel sexiest when wearing heals to the clubs. But it's not what makes me feel sexy, so I don't do it. You can't jam out with your clam out if you're jamming to someone else's beat. Find what makes you feel sexy and do it.

4. Others

Many of us hide/suppress our sexiness because we don’t want to make others feel less sexy. Once "DUFF" (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) was bred, people began dressing down their sexiness to make the alleged DUFF feel sexier.

Example: I have a friend who recently put on some muscle. He’s extremely proud of his progress and when I asked him why he doesn’t show it off, he said he didn’t want to be, “that guy.” He doesn’t wear muscle tees at the gym because he knows there are guys around him that have not reached their fitness goals and he doesn’t want his progress to make them insecure about their lack of.

Remedy: You have one life to live, that must be lived for you and God, NOT other people. It is your job to be the sexiest, best version of yourself. Don't dim your light so others' can shine. The room is brighter when everyone glows.

5. Sex

"Sex," is part of the word "sexy," but it has no place in my kave definition. Hollywood's idea of sexiness screams sex. The issue is we then believe we're meant to be sexy for others. Hollywood tells us that when we are sexy, it is for sex and the intention of attracting a partner.

Example: Frankly the list goes on. Hollywood sexualizes everything from children to what a female actor is wearing when she grocery shops. Just think of the last time you saw a magazine labeling something as "sexy," and thought: Why is this sexy again?

Remedy: Sexiness is about you and the way you express it is based on your unique beauty and soul. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Not Hollywood, not asumers, not Bible-thumpers, not bad friends or even you. Now repeat after me...


Do what makes you, you. You sexy thing, you!

Become a Kave Subscriber!

And remember...

A peak back

A push forward

From cave to computer

© 2023 by Going Places. Proudly created with Wix.com