Guilty As Creed
Most of us non psychopaths experience guilt after we've done something wrong. Call it what you will, a sin, a mistake, a big fat fuck up, none of us leave this Earth without at least one. It doesn’t feel good when we screw up and the guilt that follows often makes matters worse.
When I was I college, a wise priest taught me about healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt. Stay with me. You don't need to be spiritual to follow along and this may be exactly what you need to forgive yourself.
Healthy guilt comes when we acknowledge we’ve done something wrong, we apologize for it and try our best not to do it again. Unhealthy guilt is when we allow our sin, mistake or fuck up to plunge us into shame, self pity and prevent us from getting back on the horse.
Unhealthy guilt is something most of us fall into by default because we inherited it…
When Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree and sinned against God, instead of apologizing, they hid. On top of that, when God asked them what happened, Adam was quick to blame Eve and Eve was quick to blame the devil. If you blame your screw ups on others and are quick to hide as opposed to repenting, then you are following Adam and Eve in self destructive, unhealthy guilt.
God calls us to him like a parent calls their child to them. I have screwed up many times in my life, and wanted to hide my imperfections from my parents. But when I was honest and apologetic, they helped me out of my mess like no one else could. God is our heavenly father here to help us out of our mess. He doesn't want us to hide from him but rather apologize, love him and love ourselves.
Humans are perfectly imperfect and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Not only do we mess up, but it is usually our mess ups that teach us our greatest lessons. If God can forgive the men who crucified his only son, he can definitely forgive you for you for being human. Equally, you can forgive yourself, free yourself from unhealthy guilt and get back on the horse. So don’t hide, don’t fear and don’t be so dam hard on yourself.